Why Do We Sabotage Our Intentions? …
Many of us sabotage our own best intentions and not even realizing it, by procrastinating and distractions from the work and essential tasks we need to get done. There are a number of reasons for this.
Reasons for Procrastinating
Negative Self-talk
The first reason is that we may be our own worst enemy and critic. Negative self-talk along the lines of, “That’s way too hard – if you try, you’ll probably just fail anyway,” make us sabotage ourselves.
This can start in our childhood years. It might begin with a parent or teacher who never seemed satisfied no matter how hard we tried. Children love to please the adults they look up to. Failure in academic work can make THEM feel like a failure, not that their test or report got a failing grade.
This can lead to poor self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. Suddenly, even the most ordinary tasks become a dangerous minefield in which any step they take could lead to disaster. That being the case, it is safer and easier to just stand still rather than try to move forward.
This paralysis then leads to lost opportunities, stress at work and at home, and damage to many of our relationships. If your uber-critical parent starts to label you a lazy good-for-nothing, procrastinating will turn you into that person.
Perfectionism
Another reason for procrastination and paralysis is the idea that since nothing we ever do is good enough, it has to be perfect. But perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Spending weeks on a task that should only have taken a day or two is a sign that you might be seeking perfection when you really just need to just get it done. You feeling your work is not good enough becomes the same as feeling YOU are not good enough.
Lack of Motivation
Some people attribute procrastination to a lack of motivation. But we do not need to psych ourselves up to go to the beach or eat ice cream. We need no reason to do something fun. We do need a motive to act when things start to get tough, though.
One clue that you are sabotaging yourself is if you just can’t get started on a project – even if it is an interesting one you would actually enjoy. Or things are going well, but you suddenly stop when 90% of the task is complete.
How to Stop Procrastinating
So how can we defeat these three behaviors that cause us to procrastinate? There are a number of ways, depending on which one we wish to tackle.
Negative Self-talk
- Recognize you are doing it.
- Note whose “voice” you hear when it is happening. One person recognized that it sounded just like her nagging mother. Once she made that connection, she could re-tune her thinking to a different channel, with her own voice.
- Accentuate the positive to counter the negative. For everything you find fault with, think of at least three things you do well.
Perfectionism
- Remind yourself that it does not need to be perfect; it just has to get done.
- Remind yourself that no one is perfect, so it is unreasonable for anyone in your life to expect you to be.
- Remind yourself that we are human beings, not human DOINGS. The work you do is important, but it is not the same as who you are as a person.
Lack of Motivation
- Set goals and track your progress towards them.
- Look for the fun in every task.
- Motivate yourself with a reward at the end of a task. The bigger the task, the better the reward.
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